reblogged from shikin's post:

Babygirl, I know you're gonna read this. & I just want you to know that hurdles come every minute. & it'll disappear as soon as you know how to deal with it. It's just a matter of time & thinking. If you put your mind & fullest believe in it, I can bet with you that it will, sooner or later, be dealt with. About H, the idea of sending letters to tell/ask about the well-being is a good idea but to the HQ? Uh uh, girl. You gotto find another way around. You'll someday get in touch with H again, if you believe so & work extra hard for it. You have my best wishes.
- ♥Shikin.

yeah, prison HQ. armed with only little but somewhat credible lead, there's no other way i can do to reach out to him now other than taking a gamble by sending him a letter thru the HQ. i've been drafting a letter to H telling him how much of an influence he was (and still is) in my life and trying to repay the kindness he gave me ages ago. maybe they have his name and details within the system database.

for that i'll have to put the letter as 'PRIVATE AND CONFIDENTIAL' or it doesn't end up in the bin. or even a 'RETURN TO SENDER' note sent to me. its tricky as he's a hard man to reach and his role in the prison system (job position, which department, which location) is inadequately explained by sources.

LATEST!

i was told by this dude called sheik amirruddin on the ITE Bishan Alumni facebook group wall that "H rarely uses the comp (doesn't state what type of computer; PC, laptop or even smartphones) and doesn't even know how to send an email. -.-"

the answer remains questionable; is it REALLY true that H isn't IT-savvy? or could amir be lying in order to protect H's identity and whereabouts?

it baffles me why do local students here get all trussed up over losing grades. i screwed, i fucked in my latest presentation, yes of course i felt bad being unprepared, stuttering, pausing and getting 'high' for several moments (i took medication this morning after days of skipping it, slightly more than the stated dosage at one interval), but at least i don't have to read my words off from the damn script(or rather, lack thereof)while presenting!

nah, script-reading ain't me when it comes to preparing for presentations. when i'm in front of the class i just ad-lib, like most seasoned actors on tv do. another thing that gripes me is that when i'm hardworking, the rest are slacking around, when exams and presentations come, they all just lose their minds and start being gan cheong about their grades while i start to feel the opposite unfortunately.

what irks me the most is that being in a predominantly girls school only happens to severe matters. being around girls most of the time, dealing with their gossip and insecurities and giggles leaves me uncomfortable. is it any wonder i'm often volatile towards the same sex? is it any wonder why i'm awkward and shy towards the opposite sex? ironically these laments come out from the mouth of a girl herself.

and the school system sucks too, having to endure long hours trying to learn new vocabulary, doing cloze passage, synthesis and transformation, comprehension questions in WFB lessons, the kind of english shit you learn during your primary and secondary(and prolly JC as well). been there, done that. the rest of the class religiously did their work while i had to sit back and choke back on my frustration over the module.

and because of the reasons above, there are moments where i feel like, dropping out from ITE to be honest. and if i do graduate with higher nitec certificate, where would i go and do, should i don't end up in poly later?

not a fan of award shows (grammys, oscars, emmys etc) cuz they're largely biased on sales generated and zero in talent and grace. whoever wins or loses doesn't really matter to me as my tastes in music/movies/tv shows aren't swayed by the popularity of it being voted. even if my favorite star didn't win any awards it doesn't stop me from rooting for the stars that i admire and adore.

taylor swift and beyonce were the big winners last night. SO WHAT? like i've said before, most of today's music SUCKS big time. and as always, i'm so sick of taylor swift faking a poor-little-me-i-can't-believe-i-just-won face just to make the public pity her so she could extend her career. she's 20 but still sings teensy-weensy teenage love and breakup songs. she ain't country anyway, country music = CUNTRY music. and beyonce, she overexaggerates in her outfits, dances and voice while performing live. that is what she contributes to the society just by shaking her fat ass and inflates her ego. and lady gaga, well i hope anytime soon she'll go apeshit mental and wreak havoc the way britney spears, lily allen and amy winehouse did at the peak of their careers.

alright. fuck the current triumvirate cunts of pop that is beyonce, lady gaga and taylor swift. what really moved me yesterday was the michael jackson tribute(speech by lionel richie, prince and paris, a 3D mini movie earth song, performance by usher,celine dion, smokey robinson, jennifer hudson and carrie underwood [wtf carrie?!]). apparently that's the ONLY highlight i expected to see. whatever rich legacy he has left behind in the world of music and humanity, now that's what i call TRUE TALENT AND GRACE. they go hand in hand. pop culture is in a serious shortage of true talent and what a shame most young stars nowadays are revered for their so called high-profile life instead of true talent and spending time to do charity work. and even if they do their bit for charity they're doing it for clever PR marketing, not with their true hearts.

also underrated in yesterday's grammys was pink's glitter in the air performance. she was just awesome and however badass she behaves, she's still a softie at heart. proof of this can be found in her music and live acts.

there goes my rant for today.

no longer do i believe in the magic of BEST FRIENDS FOREVER as they sure do get toxic in time. especially when both or all of us hardly met each other for long periods of time and any plans to reunite are called off at the last minute almost too often, too conveniently.

great. thanks for the plans anyway. which often almost did not happen. why? don't ask me why. it's obvious you favored the short-term, ever-present social circle over me, your oldest, most loyal friend. if i'm really ranked at the highest echelon of your circle of friends, then why do i feel left out? what, ain't i worthy as those 'friends' you've only known for a short time? and when you think of me, don't even bother looking for me cuz i won't be there for you. you've changed a lot that i barely recognize you anymore. i mean, WHO ARE YOU?

just GET THE FUCK OUT. i've grown immune over your inexcusable excuses just not to meet me. i'm better off alone than wasting my time waiting for the friend that never appreciates me.

FINALLY, i have the ticket to the school's beach fiesta this saturday! sam gave it to me this morning with a huge smile on his face. my golden ticket dammit! feel it!

my current obsessions are le tigre's deceptacon, figure-skating, fun in the sun, chuck, and of course the perennial one and only michael jackson.